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[64] I had group sex ...

I had group sex with my boyfriend, who I am madly in love with, and another couple I don't know. We were all on pills and had drunk a lot, and to be honest it was crap. But I put on a show, pretended I was into it, to turn the guys on and convince myself I was too. I think the other girl was faking too. Why do women do that? I thought I was just trying something new, it'd be experimental and fun. I did it for my boyfriend. I lied and 'went with the flow'. It is a huge mistake.

As soon as they left, my boyfriend went crazy. It was so painful. I have never felt so awful. i did it to myself. But I was also mad that he wanted to share me with some random stranger and now he was mad at me. He was just so hurt, I could barely take in how much I had hurt him. I let someone have sex with me, and in my mind I was submitting myself totally for my boyfriends pleasure. How incredibly stupid.

We had a very intense few days together. We have a very real true love, but we made a mistake, which put doubts in eachothers minds that were never there before, and that shouldn't be there.

We realised that what we have is real and means too much to end because of this. Sometimes memories of that stupid night come back to me. I think the I love this person so much, it moves me almost to tears when i think of him. And I know he loves me too. We are moving on, and I'm so glad we are together.

I understand now that I have to strive to stand up for myself, and my love,.

Posted 2 years ago

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